“If you die you’re completely happy and your soul somewhere lives on. I’m not afraid of dying. Total peace after death becoming someone else is the best hope I’ve got”
– Kurt Cobain, Nirvana

The day after Christmas I got a phone call from my sister Amanda saying that there is a rumor on facebook that “Jason your old boyfriend died.” I didn’t believe it and told her I’m going to investigate it and get back to her. After I got off the phone I went online. I couldn’t believe it but there it was the first obituary on the list was Jason’s.

That’s when it hit me he was gone. As the day went on some of his friends would text or call and we would talk about Jason the good and the not so good. But all in all, we were feeling the loss and pain of a life.

On Jason’s last day alive I got some wonderful news at work. I’m up for an award for an ad that I worked on. We’re Jason’s world was the lowest and darkest of his. One person’s perfect day can be the worst day for someone else.

Two things that I know are true. He is at peace and his demons can’t hurt him any longer. The second is the moments and memoirs I have are in my heart forever. I will always remember his love for trains, 4-wheeling, be outdoors/ hiking. He also loved the bands Nirvana, U2 and Black Circle. He never met a bag of Doritos that he didn’t like. In fact, the same goes for Toaster Strudel and Mountain Dew. He liked seeing how things worked, playing video games. He knew all the words to the movies “The Christmas Story”, “Maximum Overdrive”, “Reservoir Dogs” and “Solaris.” He also would spend hours reading about energy and electricity, but didn’t read the classics. He had a wonderful sense of humor could always make you laugh.

When you break up with a person you can’t erase them from your life all together. Even though that’s what you would like to do at the time. Sure it was hard and yes I cried along time. But I wouldn’t be the person that I am right now for not going through those events. He was a big part of my life and I even wrote about him a few times in this blog. Now I’m so glad that I didn’t get rid of all the photos we had together.

I can’t image what his parents Mark and Ruth and grandfather Mel are going through. My heart goes out to them. They were like second parents and grandfather when we were dating the seven and half years. (2 years as casual boyfriend and girlfriend, 5 1/2 as serious boyfriend and girlfriend and 3 of those living together) They brought me into their family and I will never forget the love that they shown and gave to me.

My heart also goes out to his girlfriend. I don’t know her name and have never met her, but she is mourning him as well.

One of the hardest things for me is why, and I know I’m not the only one asking this question, and we will never really know that answer.

I know it’s been almost 3 years from the breakup and I have not been in his life at all, but I hope that he knew that I would have been there for him if he called, You can’t turn off love for a person like a light switch. But I would never wish this on my worst enemy or their family. Rest in peace Jason L. Egger (Jay)

Love Always,

Amber Tyler (Am)

I will leave you with a quote that someone emailed me yesterday.

“When someone is in your heart, they’re never truly gone. They can come back to you, even at unlikely times.” – Mitch Albon

Memorials may be made to

Prevent Suicide Columbia County,
c/o CWCAC, Sara Jesse,
P. O. Box 430, Wisconsin Dells, WI 53965
or your local Prevent Suicide Center.

Jason and Amber

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